Christmas Cardlings!!

yes so they're still not even in the mail yet (and i might have to hand deliver them because some are too chunky to mail!) but nonetheless done and up for the sharing ;D
thanks for lookin'!! :D

Penguin Love









Stockings









For You.









Funky Tree






Trees








SUPPLIES:
---------

* KI Memories Funky Christmas Card Kit used on all cards

"Penguin Love"
* Felt / Pompom - Darice
* Candy Cane / Presents - Jolee's
* Gel Stickers - KI Memories; Colorbok

"Stockings"
* Felt / Pompoms - Darice
* Ribbon - Offray
* Stockings - Sandylion

"For You."
* Pattern Paper - KI Memories; Colorbok
* Ribbon - Offray
* Cardstock - Bazzil
* Sakura Gelly Roll green glitter

"Funky Tree"
* Felt - Darice
* Buttons - Dress-it-Up
* Star/Bell - Holiday Time from Wal-Mart
* Sakura Gelly Roll white

"Trees"
* Felt / Pompoms - Darice
* Snowflake - Sandylion
* Ribbon - Offray
* Pattern Paper - KI Memories; Colorbok

November Mosh-Posh.

my November kit for Mosh-Posh was stuff from KI Memories' "Pop Culture" -- i was in LOOOVE!!! <3 <3 <3 the transparency inspired me to do this layout right as soon as i pulled it out of the box! thanks for looking!!

Bloom Where You are Planted




SUPPLIES:
---------
* Cardstock - Colorbok
* Pattern Paper - Autumn Leaves
* Transparency - Fancy Pants
* Brads - Doodlebug "Sugar Coated"
* Photo Corners - Heidi Swapp
* Felt Ribbon - Queen & Co.
* Alphas - American Crafts
* Rub-ons - Scenic Route
* Flowers - Junkitz
* Photo by Shannon Jones :D

She Inspires Me {BIG TIME}.

My 1st scrapbook page in FOREVER!!! FINALLY!! but i saw this pic of my niece and i had to do something w/ it!! so here it is! the swirls i traced from the fancy pants chipboard onto the self-adhesive holographic star paper. i really love the quote, and it fits perfectly: "If you ask me what i came to do in this world, i will answer you: i am here to live out loud". - emile zola. thanks for looking :D

Live Out Loud




SUPPLIES:
---------

* Cardstock - Colorbok
* Pattern Paper - Imaginisce "Let's Pretend"; Black notebook paper
* Holographic Star Paper / Ribbon - Darice
* Alpha - American Crafts
* Chipboard Swirl pattern - Fancy Pants Big Board
* Buttons - Wal-Mart
* Brads - Making Memories
* Font - DYMO
* Photo by Shannon Jones

Broken Record Love Songs

SUBTITLED: The Home for My Poetry. I have written 59 to date, and I decided at some point that I want to publish a book of them so I decided to self-publish, because my book would look way cooler than anything with a paperback cover right? The cover is fabric wrapped around heavy chipboard; the record is an actual 45 that I dug out at my mom's... I was going to try to break it before I glued it on but couldn't figure out a good way to break a 45 without making shards of it.... the best part about this notebook is that it's SUPER THICK (probably 500 pages) and the paper inside is LINED PINK NOTEBOOK PAPER :D !!!! Yes, i know, it's SOOO me!!

Thanks for looking :D

SUPPLIES:
---------
* Journal from Barnes & Noble
* Fabric - JoAnn Fabrics
* Fabric Paper - KI Memories "Love, Elsie"
* Ribbon - KI Memories "Love, Elsie"; Offray; Pat Catan's
* Star Sticker / Corners - DCWV "Rockstar"
* Alpha - American Crafts
* REAL original 45 (i think it was Rainbow Brite or something)

Scissor Sisters CG Artist Trading Card Swap

ok, it's FINALLY over...

we hatched the idea for ATC's for the critique group i co-host on Scrapbook.com back in March or April; the official start was in May, and we had until August 1st to have them finished and in the mail. just thought i'd show off!! the backsides have my contact info, doodled, and decorated w/ a Prima Flower and a metal star/moon charm. i got great cards from everyone else, too! what a neat turnout we had!

Thanks for looking :D

SCISSOR SISTERS CG

Artist Trading Card Swap 2007




SUPPLIES:
---------
* Topps Baseball Cards
* Cardstock - Bazzill
* Pattern Paper - KI Memories "Love, Elsie" & Black notebook
* Glitter Paper - Darice
* Ribbon - Offray
* Bling - Wal-Mart
* Pink Glitter Embellies - Dress-it-Up
* Sakura Gelly Roll - pink / silver
* Flowers - Prima

A Tribute...

to one of my favorite scrapbookers ever - my friend Jill. i was inspired to do this as soon as i got my hands on the Love Elsie stuff because me and her love it so much!!

PS - i tied the buttons with black & hot pink tulle!! i thought that was a neat touch! Thanks for looking! :D

Silly Jilly





SUPPLIES:
---------
* Cardstock - Bazzill; KI Memories Love, Elsie "Roxie"
* Pattern Paper - KI Memories Love, Elsie "Roxie; DCWV "Rockstar" Stack; Tinkering Ink
* Alpha / Arrows - American Crafts
* Buttons - KI Memories Love, Elsie "Roxie"
* Stickers - KI Memories Love, Elsie "Roxie"; DCWV "Rockstar" girl
* Ribbon - Offray
* Black / Hot Pink fine Tulle - Wal-Mart
* Sakura Gelly Roll - black / white / lt. pink

Lullabies: a lyrics journal

just a simple journal for writing lyrics... it's all recycled and stuff. i figured i would write / draw the lyrics onto the pages... somehow. here's the first couple... Thanks for takin a look :D

journal cover



Nickelback "Rockstar"



Nickelback "If Everyone Cared"



Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"


SUPPLIES:
---------
* Recycled Journal - Pat Catan's
* Black Acrylic Paint - Apple Barrel
* Silver Sharpie
* Sakura Gelly Roll pens (various)

**SCRAPFABULOUS AUGUST GUEST DESIGNER!!**

i was the Guest Designer for Scrapfabulous!! How FABULOUS!!

I was given a hybrid kit to work with - "Faith" by Close to My Heart! I was so excited -- this was exactly the kit i was hoping to get :D thanks!! it included a CD full of extra digi stuff to print or make digi pages with, as well as a bunch of patterned paper and some rub-ons to complete paper pages.

here's what i came up with -- i really had fun working with 6x12's for the first time!! my best friend likes them so much she framed them and put them on her wall!! thanks for looking! :D

PB&J Cheeks



b.f.f.



altered mini sandal boxes


SUPPLIES:
---------

"PB&J Cheeks"
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Pattern Paper - Close to My Heart "Faith"
* Alpha - American Crafts
* Flowers - Prima
* Buttons - American Crafts; Wal-Mart
* Sakura Gelly Roll - black / white

"b.f.f."
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Pattern Paper - Close to My Heart "Faith"
* Flowers - Bazzill
* Alpha - K&Co.
* Brads - Making Memories
* Rub-ons - KI Memories "Love, Elsie"; K&Co.
* Sakura Gelly Roll - white / pink / green

"altered mini sandal boxes"
* Sandal Boxes - Pat Catan's
* Pattern Paper - Close to My Heart "Faith"
* Flowers - Prima
* Brads - Making Memories
* Charms - eBay
* Acrylic Paint - Apple Barrel & Craft House

Thanks again to Scrapfabulous for letting me design for them this month, and for the awesome goodies :D

Happy Birthday, Shannon!! :D

yaaaaay!! it's my BFF's birthday!! i made her a sweet card and altered dress form :D

because i'm an awesome friend, i hope she had the most awesome day ever... thanks to a little party action and some cool new stuff :D

happy birthday ham-a-licious!! i <3 U!!

Shannon's Birthday Card





Shannon's altered dress form


SUPPLIES:

"Shannon's Birthday Card"
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Ribbon - Pat Catan's; KI Memories "Love, Elsie"
* Pattern Paper - ProvoCraft; White corrugated
* Button - Wal-Mart
* American Crafts Alpha ("*")
* Sakura Gelly Roll - white

"Dress Form"
* Dress Form - Pat Catan's
* Fabric - Wal-Mart
* Ribbon - Offray; Pat Catan's
* Beads - Pat Catan's
* Cross Charm - Wal-Mart
* White Acrylic Paint - Apple Barrel

What's Scrappening? Guest Designer for June!!!

THAT'S MEEEEEE!!! Now that it's the end of June, I can post up my goodies that I created for What's Scrappening?'s June Guest Designer spot!! YAAAY!! (the cards are also included in my flip-flop card tutorial). The kit I was given by the fabulous Michelle & Melanie at What's Scrappening? featured Heidi Grace products - so cute, so much fun - even forced me outside my box a little!! Without further ado, my GDT submissions!!:

"School's Out" Flip-Flop Card





"Thanks" Flip-Flop Card





"Umbrella" (for Shannon's Book)





"Loves Her Mama" (for McKena's Book)



SUPPLIES LIST:
-----------------

"School's Out" Flip Flop Card
* Cardstock - Bazzill
* Pattern Paper - Heidi Grace; Daisy D's; ProvoCraft
* Flowers - Archiver's; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* Brad - Eyelet Outlet
* Font - DYMO

"Thanks" Flip Flop Card
* Cardstock - Bazzill
* Pattern Paper - Heidi Grace; Miss Elizabeth's; ProvoCraft
* Flowers - Darice; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* Brad - Eyelet Outlet
* Font - DYMO

"Umbrella"
* Cardstock - Paperbilities; Bazzill
* Patterned Paper - Heidi Grace; Paper Pizzazz; Miss Elizabeth's
* Alphas - Heidi Grace; American Crafts
* Umbrella Embellie - Miss Elizabeth's
* Ribbon - What's Scrappening?
* Buttons - Wal-Mart
* Red Sakura Gelly Roll
* Photoshop CS2 for journaling spots
* Lyrics from "Umbrella" by Rihanna f/ Jay-Z
* Photo by Shannon Jones

"Loves Her Mama"
* Cardstock - Paperbilities; Bazzill
* Pattern Paper - Heidi Grace
* Chip Heart - Heidi Grace
* Flowers - Prima; Darice
* Bling - Imaginisce
* Brads - Making Memories
* Ribbon - What's Scrappening?
* Rubon - Sassafras Lass
* Red/White/Blue Sakura Gelly Roll pens

Thanks again to What's Scrappening? for letting me be a part of their Guest Designer roll, and also for all the great goodies that I used to create these pages and cards!!!

Congratulations, P@ris!

So she gets out, what, tomorrow at noon? I don't know - I gave up following it after she started talking about "finding Jesus". I am super-proud of her, though - she managed to serve her time without so much as a billion dollar lawsuit - just some lame immature antics and Valtrex Withdrawals...

In honor of Paris' release from the Linwood Women's Prison out in Cali, this is my pick for Music Video Monday - or Tuesday - I was lazy yesterday and I also wanted to try to get it closer to the time of her actual "release" (lol, it's like they're freeing a captive animal...)

And because Shannon said she never saw this one. Cracks me up every time :) Enjoy.

Pink - "Stupid Girls"


Congrats Paris - enjoy that afterparty (since you're so turning over a new leaf now, an afterparty is the most appropriate thing to do, RIGHT?) Cr@zy.

Flip-Flop Cards!!!

Just in time for Summer, a cute card idea!! These little dandies are so versatile (not to mention ADDICTING! I made SIX of them!!) They can be decorated generically to be used as notecards, or with theme-specific embellies to make a unique birthday invitation or thank you note. I decided to go with this style after a long debate on unique cards, but when I looked around on the Internet, I couldn't really find a template with a shape that suited my style well. I didn't want it to look like a "real" flip flop - long and narrow - but more the short, squat Japanese wedge-sandal type flip-flops. I set out to freehand a template that I could share with everyone else who is looking for a practical, card-sized flip-flop template out there! Here is the template, after scanning my black cut-outs, and then resizing them in white to provide a guideline for the inner template:



If you click the template, you will be able to see and print the full-sized document. Check in your browser's Print Preview setting to make sure that your template fills up the entire sheet of paper, then print as many copies as you think you will need! I have also included a link to the Envelope Template --> HERE <-- You can make this any size you want, including resizing the templates for the cards. The size for my examples was adjusted to be 9 1/2" wide. Courtesy of Mirkwood Designs. I reproduced it on true 8 1/2" x 11" so it prints at a size that fits the card, although it wasn't too far off to begin with. (Thanks to Ruthann Zaroff at Mirkwood Designs for the awesome template!!)

Once you've printed your templates, you can cut around the black part FIRST. This will be your cardstock base. I used a full sheet of cardstock for these projects, since the dimensions are slightly bigger than a half sheet, and the negative of the cutout you will make for this provides plenty of room to make a nice 5 1/2" x 6" (or smaller!) card. I folded the sheet of cardstock edge to edge, so I ended up with a folded 6" wide by 12" tall, and I used my bone folder to sturdy the crease. I laid the flip-flop template I wanted to use with the flattest side edge aligned with the crease, and overlapping just a TINY bit, then traced around and cut out (this ensured I would have enough of the crease along the edge for this to count as a card!) I also trimmed the excess from the side of the cardstock next to my cutout, leaving the bulk of the negative for the scrap pile, and I was left with two chunks of irregularly shaped cardstock. I cut 1/2" wide strips out of one of these, to make the straps for the flip-flops, and I reserved the rest for any matting or embellishing I might want to do on the face of the card later. When you're finished you should have a barenaked flip-flop shaped card!

From there, cut the white center out of the black template (this is why I included two - so you don't have to ruin one template to get the other!) Use the white template for the patterned paper that is the "background" canvas of your card. I tried to stick with something that had a subtle but still noticeable pattern - as so not to overpower any greetings or embellishments I might choose to put on the card. From here on out, it's all yours! Do it up however you'd like with flowers or other embellies and words (don't forget the words - or at least a monogram!) Also, a trick I did with the straps: when it came time to apply the straps, (which was right after I cut out the patterned paper, but before I adhered it to the cardstock) I laid them on the paper where I wanted them then I used my Exacto knife to cut slits right above the top and bottom edges of the slits, on the patterned paper. Then I folded each strip end over about 1/4" and put these "tabs" into the "slots" I'd made in the patterned, and stuck them to the back with photo corners. That gave the straps the little curvy raised arch that real flip flops have, and added a little extra dimension to the cards. THEN I glued the paper onto the card.

Have fun making these, and please make sure you link back to this blog if you decide to use my template! I would also love to see what you do with it, so if you make one, be sure to link it back here in the comments so we can all appreciate it! Thanks for checking out this tutorial and template! If you want to save the template to your hard drive rather than print it, just right click it and select "Save As..." or "Save Image As..." on the menu. Enjoy!!

MORE EXAMPLES:

"What's Up?!"	"You Rock"	"Delight"
"Thanks"	"School's Out"	"Celebrate"

Click to see a larger image!!

SUPPLIES:
-------------


"You Rock!!" Card
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Patterned Paper - Creative Imaginations "Caution Girl"
* Flowers - Darice; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* "Sweetie" Button - Target $1 Aisle
* Fiskars Small Heart Punch
* Zots Large Dots
* Karen Foster Scraparatus (for hole punching)
* "DYMO" font from DaFont.com (for Label)

"What's Up?!" Card
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Patterned Paper - Creative Imaginations "Caution Girl"
* Flowers - Darice; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* "Hottie" Button - Target $1 Aisle
* Bling - Wal-Mart Craft Aisle
* Zots Large & Small Dots
* Karen Foster Scraparatus (for hole punching)
* "DYMO" font from DaFont.com (for Label)

"Delight" Card
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Patterned Paper - Reminisce
* "Delight" Metal Word & Silver Brad - Making Memories
* Coconut Drink - Dress-it-Up Buttons
* Sun Charm - American Traditional Designs
* Starfish & Beach Scene stickers - Miss Elizabeth's
* Cowrie Shells - Wal-Mart Craft Aisle
* Flowers - Darice; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* Zots Large Dots
* Karen Foster Scraparatus (for hole punching)

"Thanks" Card
*** MADE FOR WHAT'S SCRAPPENING? JUNE '07 GUEST DT ***
* Cardstock - Bazzill
* Patterned Paper - Heidi Grace; Miss Elizabeth's; ProvoCraft
* Flowers - Darice; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* Brad - Eyelet Outlet
* Font - DYMO

"School's Out" Card
*** MADE FOR WHAT'S SCRAPPENING? JUNE '07 GUEST DT ***
* Cardstock - Bazzill
* Patterned Paper - Heidi Grace; Daisy D's; ProvoCraft
* Flowers - Archiver's; Simply Clean Digi Scraps
* Font - DYMO

"Celebrate" Card
* Cardstock - Paperbilities
* Patterned Paper - Imaginisce "Let's Pretend"
* Green Holo Vellum - Miss Elizabeth's
* Flowers - Darice; Imaginisce
* Confetti Streamer Embellies - Dress-it-Up Buttons
* Balloons Charm - American Traditional Designs
* Brad - Making Memories
* Zots Large & Small Dots
* Karen Foster Scraparatus (for hole punching)
* "DYMO" font from DaFont.com (for Label)

"Flip-Flop" Card Template (c) 2007 - Shaunna Farral
"Basic Envelope" Template (c) 1999-2006 Mirkwood Designs, a division of ruthannzaroff.com

The Best MySpace I've Ever Seen

This is the Holy Grail of MySpaces.... I think it's quite possibly the best MySpace I've ever seen.

STOP MySpacing

Sorry, I'm a hater.

Courtesy of Mashable - "Best MySpace Layouts that Don't Look Like MySpace At All"

Bringin' Sexy B@ck...

YES... he definitely is.

I never get sick of seeing this video...

Bringin' Music Video Monday Back....

My Latest...

Yes. I am super-proud of myself over here. Been creatively busy for the last few days... just thought I would share.

The top piece is a custom-made title from Photoshop, I wanted to make something to coordinate with the Autumn Leaves "French Twist" Rub-ons that I was going to use on a scrapbook page. The completed page, below. It is a little on the busy side, but I am satisfied with the way it turned out!!

Naughty Tag...

OK... I'll play along here, Jilly-O...

So my friend Jill sent me {THIS} thing... blog tag... I'm it... Here it is:

Okay...so it's great to talk about your favorite foods and bad habits, but let's get a little naughty. Remember that Friends episode where you get to make a list of your absolute favorite celebrities you would love to spend some "quality time" with and your spouse or significant other cannot complain, because they might just meet one of the celebrities on their own list? Ross had Isabella Rossellini on his list, but crossed her off and then ended up meeting her... Well who are your favorites?

Please share your top five to ten celebrities with a bit of an explanation of why they made your list. Then go and tag 5 of your friends.


My "FRIENDS" celebrity list consists of the following actors:

1. Orlando Bloom - (especially if he is in the Elf costume, LOL!! sry, have a thing for hot elves :) Uh... yeah. I told Travis that if he asked me to marry him I would have to leave. He's super-hot. Pirate/elf/you know, he could be ANYTHING and he'd still bet HOT.
2. Justin Timberlake - HAVE YOU SEEN THE SEXYBACK VIDEO? Nuff said.
3. Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park - boy can he sing (better than Chester's screaming) and he can play the keyboard and the guitar and God knows what else he can do...
4. Eminem - white trash, but I would do it :) Something about the way he raps, and the blonde hair/white T-shirt combo...
5 . Dane Cook - he is SUPER crazy and probably the hottest comedian ever. I might cross him off for Johnny Depp, although Depp's a little strange for my tastes at times!! But Dane Cook for sure (and the pickles and the shakes and the cheesy pickles... GET SOME SAUCE NOW!!!)

Uh yeah, and I've never met anyone that was famous and hot, well, unless you count the Backstreet Boys when they PLAYED A CONCERT AT MY SCHOOL when I was in 8th Grade. Yeah, it was before they were famous, but it was awesome at the time! Think I still have a book cover w/ their autographs SOMEWHERE...

People I'm going to tag:

mrsvo, andyshell4, basketballqueen, txalliegirl, lynette150, brigid16

Still Going Cr@zy Over Here...

A week (almost) later, I am still going NUTS over the new Linkin Park CD, "Minutes to Midnight". I listened to it twice straight through the minute I got it, and I think I love just about every song on it. Watched the online AOL Concert as well, and it totally rocked!! Tickets for a show here in Ohio went on sale Saturday, and my BFF Shannon is going to try like hell to at least get us all lawn seats!! They are a band that's DEFINITELY worth seeing live...

In honor of them this week, my favorite Linkin Park song ever, for Music Video Monday, in all its Moshiness....

"Faint"
by Linkin Park

Enjoy, Cr@zies.

Cr@zy Peanut Butter - P.B. Loco

OK, when… how…. I want to know why I didn’t know about this before now!!

P.B. Loco — “The Adult Peanut Butter”

Yes, it’s true. They have hacked into one of our childhood favorites and made it worse for us than it might already be. P.B. Loco is a manufacturer and distributor of specialty gourmet peanut butters. In addition to that, they have several locations around the country called “Peanutbutterlicious Cafes”, where PB lovers can go and enjoy their yum-o creations in the form of horrible, horrible sandwiches, wraps, freezes, and more. Take this for example:

Peanut Butter with CoCo Banana
“Deep, rich chocolate and bananas from the heart of the untamed jungle fused with our premium peanut butter”
(image & quote from P.B. Loco Website)

On their website, they offer recipes and the ability to purchase their peanut butters, as well as some other helpful (awful) info including the Menu at their “restaurant” and a map of locations and such.

And all I have to ask is WHY? Loco = Cr@zy, maybe there’s a connection…

thanks to Boing Boing for the heads up.

Some More Blogthings...

More cr@zy info about me…. Things even I don’t want to know!

THE 100 QUESTION PURITY TEST:

You are 54% Pure.
You're not so innocent... in fact, you're quite unpure. You have seen and experience a lot. And you're no worse for the wear!

CHANCE I’LL LIVE TO BE 100 YEARS OLD: 45%.

MY INNER ROCK CHICK:

Ani DiFranco.
Honest, real, and well liked. You're not limited by any boundaries. "And you can call me crazy / But I think you're as lazy as white paint on the wall"

WHAT FLOWER I AM:

Daisy.
You see the world with an artist's eye. Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments. You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets. You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

MY 1920’s NAME IS: Lelia Ivory.

HOW CREATIVE I AM:

73%.
You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word. You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times.

Sometimes it’s a little scary how accurate these things are!!

Music Video Monday Time Delay

OOOOPS! Almost forgot Music Video Monday!! Got a real nice one for y'all this week:

SPICE GIRLS
"Wannabe"

Yeah, I know... I know... I used to love this song when it came out, though! I was a Freshman in High School - Give me a Break!! Seriously though it is pretty funny to watch this video now, 10 years later... And hear this song. Sorry 'bout the Karaoke, but it was all YouTube had! (Oh well, sing along, I know you're gonna anyway, LOLz!!!)

Cr@zy Spice Girls... boy, that lasted real long huh?

Who Do You Look Like?

From a thread on the ScrapGalaxy Scrapbooking community, a fun little toy for my bloggy-blog...

Parker Posey - 72%
Jennifer Love Hewitt - 72%
Andie MacDowell - 66%
Holly Marie Combs - 63%
Michelle Yeoh - 63%
Sarah Ferguson - 61%
Alicia Silverstone - 61%
Diane Kruger - 60%

Whaddya think? Find out who YOU look like at MyHeritage!!! They also have some really cool-looking Family Tree software... worth checking out!

Cr@zy celebs... thank God none were Paris Hilton!! (I was always told Margeaux Hemingway... but whatever, LOLz!!)

Stop, Drop, and ROFLMAOMGWTFBBQ!!!!11111

Yeah, I said it.

I don't know what it means, but I said it, so there.

Remember in grade school, the good ol' stop, drop and roll? You know, if you're on fire, just drop to the ground and roll around to put the flames out. You know what most people do? Run around screaming until someone puts them out. Stop, drop, and roll goes out the window when you're really on fire, even if it was fun to practice in Gym Class (and pretend you were doing Ninja rolls, LOLz...)

OK, so they even had the posters to go with it, you know the ones, with the duotone lineart pictures with the big red arrows... They depicted the steps for you, no words involved, so even those who couldn't read would understand what they meant. My favorite was the Choking Poster - it was in every School Cafeteria across the country in the 80's... You know, demonstrating the Heimlich maneuver and the sign for choking and all of that? That is one thing from my childhood I will never forget. They had the picture, the with the guy, who had already choked and it says "Turns Blue - Call 911"... the guy who looked like Darth Vader, unmasked and dying, with a blue duotone shaded face. Hmm... Yeah I'd say if I was a little kid and I saw that, I would RUN.

I told you all of that to bring you this little bit of humor. These images circulated around in an email message for quite some time; I just rediscovered them and laughed 'till I had tears coming out of my eyes. Not because it's funny, but because, sadly, very accurate.

"DUCT AND COVER" - Retro Government Security Instruction Signs
(60 years later, we find out things were definitely amiss...)

RULE #1:

If you are on fire, do not run.

RULE #2:

If you spot a big red arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

RULE #3

If you are sprayed with a hazardous chemical, you should think about it carefully before seeking treatment.

RULE #4:

If a building falls on you, you can use a flashlight to lift the debris right off!

RULE #5:

Hurricanes, dead fish, and the Biohazard Symbol have a lot in common - think about it!

RULE #6:

Watch out for Terrorists that have Pink Eye and Leprosy. They are known to rub their hands together maniacally!

RULE #7:

If a door is closed, Karate Chop it open.

RULE #8:

Try to absorb as much radiation as possible with your groin area. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, you may become sterile.

RULE #9:

Exposure to radiation may cause you to mutate to gigantic dimensions: Watch Your Head.

RULE #10:

If you're a radiation-exposed mutant with a deformed hand, close the window. No one wants to see that sh*t.

RULE #11:

If your lungs an stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo to cause a reaction that creates bacteria, and they will stop.

RULE #12:

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

RULE #13:

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

RULE #14:

A thin wall should be sufficient protection against radiation.

AND FINALLY....

Always remember to carry food with you during a Terrorist Attack. At least you will be able to enjoy a nice Coke and an apple before you die!

Think about that one for awhile...

Who even thinks of this stuff... musta been someone cr@zy!