Friday, May 11, 2007

Stop, Drop, and ROFLMAOMGWTFBBQ!!!!11111

Yeah, I said it.

I don't know what it means, but I said it, so there.

Remember in grade school, the good ol' stop, drop and roll? You know, if you're on fire, just drop to the ground and roll around to put the flames out. You know what most people do? Run around screaming until someone puts them out. Stop, drop, and roll goes out the window when you're really on fire, even if it was fun to practice in Gym Class (and pretend you were doing Ninja rolls, LOLz...)

OK, so they even had the posters to go with it, you know the ones, with the duotone lineart pictures with the big red arrows... They depicted the steps for you, no words involved, so even those who couldn't read would understand what they meant. My favorite was the Choking Poster - it was in every School Cafeteria across the country in the 80's... You know, demonstrating the Heimlich maneuver and the sign for choking and all of that? That is one thing from my childhood I will never forget. They had the picture, the with the guy, who had already choked and it says "Turns Blue - Call 911"... the guy who looked like Darth Vader, unmasked and dying, with a blue duotone shaded face. Hmm... Yeah I'd say if I was a little kid and I saw that, I would RUN.

I told you all of that to bring you this little bit of humor. These images circulated around in an email message for quite some time; I just rediscovered them and laughed 'till I had tears coming out of my eyes. Not because it's funny, but because, sadly, very accurate.

"DUCT AND COVER" - Retro Government Security Instruction Signs
(60 years later, we find out things were definitely amiss...)

RULE #1:

If you are on fire, do not run.

RULE #2:

If you spot a big red arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.


If you are sprayed with a hazardous chemical, you should think about it carefully before seeking treatment.

RULE #4:

If a building falls on you, you can use a flashlight to lift the debris right off!

RULE #5:

Hurricanes, dead fish, and the Biohazard Symbol have a lot in common - think about it!

RULE #6:

Watch out for Terrorists that have Pink Eye and Leprosy. They are known to rub their hands together maniacally!

RULE #7:

If a door is closed, Karate Chop it open.

RULE #8:

Try to absorb as much radiation as possible with your groin area. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, you may become sterile.

RULE #9:

Exposure to radiation may cause you to mutate to gigantic dimensions: Watch Your Head.

RULE #10:

If you're a radiation-exposed mutant with a deformed hand, close the window. No one wants to see that sh*t.

RULE #11:

If your lungs an stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo to cause a reaction that creates bacteria, and they will stop.

RULE #12:

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

RULE #13:

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

RULE #14:

A thin wall should be sufficient protection against radiation.


Always remember to carry food with you during a Terrorist Attack. At least you will be able to enjoy a nice Coke and an apple before you die!

Think about that one for awhile...

Who even thinks of this stuff... musta been someone cr@zy!