The Best MySpace I've Ever Seen

This is the Holy Grail of MySpaces.... I think it's quite possibly the best MySpace I've ever seen.

STOP MySpacing

Sorry, I'm a hater.

Courtesy of Mashable - "Best MySpace Layouts that Don't Look Like MySpace At All"

Stop, Drop, and ROFLMAOMGWTFBBQ!!!!11111

Yeah, I said it.

I don't know what it means, but I said it, so there.

Remember in grade school, the good ol' stop, drop and roll? You know, if you're on fire, just drop to the ground and roll around to put the flames out. You know what most people do? Run around screaming until someone puts them out. Stop, drop, and roll goes out the window when you're really on fire, even if it was fun to practice in Gym Class (and pretend you were doing Ninja rolls, LOLz...)

OK, so they even had the posters to go with it, you know the ones, with the duotone lineart pictures with the big red arrows... They depicted the steps for you, no words involved, so even those who couldn't read would understand what they meant. My favorite was the Choking Poster - it was in every School Cafeteria across the country in the 80's... You know, demonstrating the Heimlich maneuver and the sign for choking and all of that? That is one thing from my childhood I will never forget. They had the picture, the with the guy, who had already choked and it says "Turns Blue - Call 911"... the guy who looked like Darth Vader, unmasked and dying, with a blue duotone shaded face. Hmm... Yeah I'd say if I was a little kid and I saw that, I would RUN.

I told you all of that to bring you this little bit of humor. These images circulated around in an email message for quite some time; I just rediscovered them and laughed 'till I had tears coming out of my eyes. Not because it's funny, but because, sadly, very accurate.

"DUCT AND COVER" - Retro Government Security Instruction Signs
(60 years later, we find out things were definitely amiss...)

RULE #1:

If you are on fire, do not run.

RULE #2:

If you spot a big red arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

RULE #3

If you are sprayed with a hazardous chemical, you should think about it carefully before seeking treatment.

RULE #4:

If a building falls on you, you can use a flashlight to lift the debris right off!

RULE #5:

Hurricanes, dead fish, and the Biohazard Symbol have a lot in common - think about it!

RULE #6:

Watch out for Terrorists that have Pink Eye and Leprosy. They are known to rub their hands together maniacally!

RULE #7:

If a door is closed, Karate Chop it open.

RULE #8:

Try to absorb as much radiation as possible with your groin area. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, you may become sterile.

RULE #9:

Exposure to radiation may cause you to mutate to gigantic dimensions: Watch Your Head.

RULE #10:

If you're a radiation-exposed mutant with a deformed hand, close the window. No one wants to see that sh*t.

RULE #11:

If your lungs an stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo to cause a reaction that creates bacteria, and they will stop.

RULE #12:

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

RULE #13:

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

RULE #14:

A thin wall should be sufficient protection against radiation.

AND FINALLY....

Always remember to carry food with you during a Terrorist Attack. At least you will be able to enjoy a nice Coke and an apple before you die!

Think about that one for awhile...

Who even thinks of this stuff... musta been someone cr@zy!

What Your Webmail Client Says About You

The folks over at DoubleViking have comprised a little chart telling you what the mail client you use says about you. Interesting.... I'm:

@gmail.com

You Are: Al Gore

Just like Al Gore does know, Gmail users know they are better than you. Their houses are carbon neutral. Their cars run on solar power and cat farts. And their e-mail client has over 2,600 MB of space (and growing!) And did we mention the automated message grouping, advanced search strings, and integrated chat function? What? You’re still not using Gmail? Jesus. You might as well just light a baby polar bear on fire and laugh as the smoke from its burning corpse cuts away yet another swath of the ozone layer, you uncaring bastard.

Find out what you are, or what to avoid at their website:

What Your Webmail Says About You

Cr@zy About Georgie :)

Yeah, I know most of you probably think that President Bush is an idiot, but I can't say that I do. When you boil it all down, he's just a regular guy who happened to have the right circumstances emerge in his life to make him good enough to be the President of the United States. Sure, he's made some bad decisions, but what President hasn't? And, nine times out of ten, the President is only doing his job - and what he is being pressured to do by his Cabinet or the Congress.

Although this little "stand-up" routine was probably written by someone else, it's the way that Georgie puts it out there - that little smirk he gets on his face when he knows he just said something funny - and the passion that he tries to portray, that makes George W. a pretty good guy in my book. He's trying, he really is! I can only ask what you would do if you were in his shoes? I think he's doing a good job, and I think anyone else would have screwed up the last seven years more than we think HE has.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America. Thank GOD we live in a country where even the President is a "liberal", no matter what his political affiliation.

Cr@zy Drunks

OK, so if there's no more good reason NOT to drink and drive, this would be it. Actually, NOT to drink PERIOD.

This has come to be considered probably the funniest video on the Internet among my brothers and Travis... according to them, it reminds them of certain people. I'm sure it will remind you of certain people too.

Thank you once again, YouTube, for making my week.

Cr@zy.

Technorati Tags: video, drunk, tazer, cop, arrest, dui, youtube

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Random Funny Blog of the Day

You really need to check this guy out:



JAY BARNES.



I have laughed and laughed over his blog... I'm sure you will too. Nothing special, just his take on life and daily happenings... but it's hilarious. I almost peed my pants reading the latest stories about Subway croissants and squirrel cliffhangers.... Nuff said.



GO NOW! Don't waste any more time... you will thank me later!



Jay Barnes:

http://shmivejournal.livejournal.com/

http://bigmixup.com/



Technorati Tags: links, humor, blog, funny

Never Lie to Your Mother...

My buddy Mel over at Scrapbook.com posted this on her blog there... thought it was too funny to pass up on sharing!!!



You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...



Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, this had only made her more curious.



Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."



About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom:



I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle, but the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.



Love, Brian

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Son:



I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer, but the fact remains that if Jennifer was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.



Love, Mom

THE MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER!!



Technorati Tags: humor, joke, funny

Cadbury Creme Egg Cake

While I was on a mission for other things this evening, I stumbled across this. After LAUGHING MY ASS OFF for a while, I decided to share it here… because it was too funny to not share. Thanks a bunch to Jay Barnes for the content!!! And if you’re looking to laugh for a while, you should definitely read the rest of his blog! He’s a funny, funny guy!!

Anyway, onto the Cadbury Cake. Jay writes:

Experiment:

Replace ordinary eggs in cake recipe with Cadbury Creme Eggs and observe results.

Hypothesis:

THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWESOME

CLICK HERE TO GO TO JAY’S BLOG AND SEE THE REST OF HIS RESEARCH!

For more Jay, check out his LiveJournal at Shmivejournal.livejournal.com, or his “best of” website at bigmixup.com.



Technorati Tags: humor, recipes, funny, experiment, links